Bound to be Charitable

Hamilton is indeed a city of contrasts and ironies. In a short drive one can go from a major

event at Copps Coliseum to boarded-up and abandoned buildings on Barton Street. At times

the irony can be rich, if not stark. A recent event on James Street North proved to be just such

an instance.

To put the event in proper context it is important to recognize that March 8th marks the

100th International Women’s Day and is a pointed time to consider the social conditions for

some women in Hamilton. Specifically, I refer to domestic violence, which can have terrible

consequences not just for women but for those around them.

According to Hamilton’s Vital Signs, the Hamilton Police received 5,769 domestic violence

related calls in 2009. This number represented an increase over the years 2007 and 2009. A

statistic from 2004-2005 offers that 2,436 women and children used shelter services that year.

This figure, in a report from Hamilton Community Services, does state that it is not known

how many of these cases were one-time stays or multiple stays. Regardless, the numbers are

sobering and call for some form of community action.

Herein one can find the irony. Suppose a person consensually enjoys being submissive, flogged

and obeying the wishes of a dominant? Would this lifestyle not conflict with issues such

as domestic violence? Can there even be a bridge between domestic violence and wilfully

submitting to what an outsider might view as abuse? An open mind would reply that yes it is

possible.

On Saturday last, The Southern Ontario Leather Association (SOLA) held a public and silent

auction with all proceeds going to The Interval House of Hamilton; a shelter and source of

assistance for people suffering at the hands of domestic violence. Based on the name of the

organization one could assume they simply like leather jackets and the like. However, the

members of this association actively engage in the lifestyle known as BDSM (bondage and

discipline, sadism and masochism).

The irony is truly rich; people who play with the concepts of abusive power reaching out to

assist those that suffer from pure abuse. As Alec Purves of SOLA offers, “BDSM is consensual

and respectful with boundaries being respected”. A sense of family was very much in evidence

at the auction and the community is truly concerned about the difference between consent and

abuse.

It is a problematic perception for BDSMers. Tom Brown of SOLA states that ``the majority of

society feels that BDSM is abuse. There is a line between what people do in BDSM. The line

is consent. As soon as there isn`t any consent or that consent is revoked then it crosses that

line`. This serves as a definition of a community that reached out to raise funds for victims of

domestic abuse. With an understanding of what many perceive as a different lifestyle, who

could possibly not agree with the cause at hand?

Brown spent months in attempting to find a shelter, or such organization, that would be

willing to be the recipients of such an auction. Due to the lifestyle, he learned to accept that

mainstream society may not accept the lifestyle. Apparently the image of an organization can

trump the needs of those who suffer from abuse. Mission Services and the Catholic Children’s

Aid Society both turned down the opportunity to be associated with a cause meant for women

who are victims of abuse.

Leslie Grant of Interval House had no issues with the lifestyle and remained committed to the

people who require Interval’s services. Knowing what SOLA is about, she embraced the fact

that any organization was willing to fundraise on their behalf. Interval House even donated a

gift basket to be auctioned off.

The event in part sponsored by the Jessica Roth Art Gallery who donated their location for the

event. Knowing that mainstream society, and a couple of mainstream agencies did not care

to be involved, Brown had anticipated a modest sum of $300.00 to be raised. In the end SOLA

raised $1554.00. Compared to political fundraisers this may sound like small potatoes. To a

woman in a shelter, the value probably is worth far more than the $1,554.00.

For the curious, the items auctioned off were not merely whips and chains. They included

works of art, telecommunication devices and other items that are of use in everyday life,

regardless of lifestyle.

A group of people, who play with power relationships, reaching out to those who involuntarily

are engaged in abusive relationships? Who would have thought? Perhaps if we more accepting

of various lifestyles, and agree to a sense of community, we could bond more efficiently and

deal with the domestic violence issue.

BDSMers reaching out to the abused? They certainly are cane and able. Bien sur.

Bound to be Charitable

Written by Dave Bentley

Comments

[Dave Bentley]

There are two typos for which I should have caught. My apologies.

[Emily J. Rivleau]

Thank you for the open-minded and generous report of the auction! I did not attend myself, but have already heard many happy stories about it's success.
The local BDSM community that I have seen are very happy about the benefit's success, and pleased also with this editor's account of it - whether ironic or not, it is much appreciated that their efforts are recognized.

If you stop to think about it, you may discover that it is less ironic than it appears - consent IS a vital cornerstone to healthy BDSM and general fetish play, and when that vital cornerstone is overlooked or twisted out of place, abuse can occur under the name of BDSM - often because amateurs or predators misunderstand (or intentionally misrepresent) and abuse the power relationships explored in the lifestyle, which is easy to do given how ignorant the general public is of the way healthy BDSM should, and in the BDSM lifestyle generally does, operate. Those of us who practice kink respectfully and safely naturally have every reason in the world to fight such instances - as they not only cause a great amount of damage to individuals in the community at large, but also give BDSM and those who practice it a bad name.

Thank you for taking my comments into account.